Latecomer Laugher Gifts

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

Coast to coast.

Jury Bribes.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jim's Mowing Services

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"It's amazing how they manage to endure despite all the lineup changes."

Bad Ant Joke

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Escaping surgery.

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

Bird Pool