Tech Trouble Laugher Gifts

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

Police Lineup Escape

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"It's amazing how they manage to endure despite all the lineup changes."

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

Escaping surgery.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

"I don't have to worry about my investments; it's a perk of not having any."