Money Problem Laugher Gifts

"I don't have to worry about my investments; it's a perk of not having any."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

The breakup

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Don't get your hopes up, I'm only laughing excessively...'

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

'Ooops. Any chance we could blame this on El Nino or climate change?'

'Just a little off the top.'

Coast to coast.

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"And here we have a very rare and unusual piece titled 'The Last Remaining Open Seat.'"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

Escaping surgery.

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

"Well, the satnav said turn left."

'I dunno. Looks like some kind of milking machine but she's wearing it all wrong.'

'People say that 'Money Talks'. Guys, I'd love to hear some.'

"Could be worse. Can`t imagine being in Italy with all those restrictions on movement."