Loyalty Laugher Gifts

'What kind of person would tell his best friend to go and fetch his stinky old slippers?'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Now, let's not be hasty! They may look the same, but we are both duty bound to fetch our own master's ball...

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Team Flute

"You can always count on me."

Best friends without borders.

'Don't you think your Jim has taken getting his favourite sun lounger as far as it can go?'

"For goodness sake, stop this daily whining! She's just gone to work, she'll be back tonight! Get a grip!"

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

"How does it feel to be a fink, Sparky?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

'...and the Brewery are considering giving you a loyaly card!'

Snowman about melting snowman: 'Just once I'd like to meet someone who isn't a fair weather friend.'

"Money won't make you happy. Real happiness comes from having me as your best friend."

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Is there anything you want to say to me? Get back to work? I pay you too much? I can hire a migrant worker for half your pay and he won't complain to me in English? And he probably won't be loyal to you and this cafe for 20 years. Twenty years. Twenty years. It's your 20-year anniversary? I'm assuming that's the extent of your acknowledgment of this momentous occasion, and I should not expect a cake. You may have a day-old cruller for half price.

STRIP *The Fan * Thinking of ditching Coventry City

'That's Samuelson. He's been with the company since Day One!'

Airport: Frequent Lost Luggage Desk.

Dog checks out His Master's Website.

"I can deal with the bi-racial and bi-lingual stuff, but one parent is a Mets fan and the other is a Yankee fan."

Husband check

'Yes, my Pilot Fish is old and pretty much useless now, but he's been with me for years: I can't just fire him...'

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

"You see, your brain is small and mine is bigger, but it can't be much bigger or I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

"You have one billion frequent flyer miles. No wonder you list our airport as your business address."

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

"In the middle of the night, I could see a guy trying to steal the neighbour's car, so I barked, but the neighbour yelled at me to shut up, so I did. . ."