Loyalty Humorist Gifts

"How does it feel to be a fink, Sparky?"

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

"Just gotta wait 'till she wakes up."

"Suddenly, you’re a fan of New England stone work?"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Various Traps.

"You can always count on me."

"All rise."

'This is a personal insult to me and my family. Paulie, word is you regifted that horse's head I gave you last month. . .'

'I, Dom Perignon, will now uncork the very first bottle of Champagne. Of course, I'm just guessing this is the right way to do it.'

"Cheer up, Simon. . . I'm always here for you!"

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

"I'm supposed to be loyal, relieve stress, be 'Man's best friend'...I don't need this kind of pressure!"

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

'Well, looking on the bright side, there's only 10 of them.'

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"I've been bounced a few times, but never deposed."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

"It was a little preachy."

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'Still no money, but a lot more IOU's than usual!'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"I hate to break it to you, but you weren't his best friend."

Holy Relics.

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."