Faithful Humorist Gifts

Ch--Ch Means Nothing If "U" "R" Not in It

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

How do medicines work? They don't! All they do is give God time to heal the body!

'What do you mean 'don't expect miracles'? Why shouldn't I expect miracles?'

'And in conclusion, I'd like to say - it's been a pleasure talking to you.'

Preaching to the Choir Since 1846

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"This weekend is seriously messing with some of my previously held beliefs."

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

"When Jesus looks at me, it's like he knows what I'm thinking."

"It was a little preachy."

"I strongly believe in the absolute literal reality of Noah's Ark."

'We're gonna look pretty stupid if it doesn't rain!'

'Well, I think we may have found the cause of your irritability. Our blood tests show that you have God on your side.'

"By the way, I prefer to be called 'Sister'. 'Mother' makes me feel too old."

"Let me see if I can get Him on speakerphone."

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

"Does he have bills to pay as well then..?"

"I'll just check this lottery ticket before I take the poverty vow."

"I don't care if you didn't like the sermon, you shouldn't have asked for your collection back!"

"Due to social distancing - all gods will be fake from home."

"I call it a sermon, not an infomercial."

"So it's ten hail Marys minus a twenty percent trade discount."

"Jesus, how many times have I told you that's not a toy?"

"How can you hope to win when god is on our side?"

"Your father is 'Christian Lite', children. He only goes to church on holidays."

Jesus cures the blind man.

"Due to an error in wording, your baptisims are no longer valid."

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

A vicar questioning a local man about his church attendance

"My Lord, you said you'd walk with me, but I only see one set of footprints."

Richard Coles

Ask me about my vow of silence.