Faithful Satirist Gifts

"As a Christian, it's my job to love everyone. Especially people like you who don't deserve it."

"Never mind about me, God. Just bless America, and maybe some of it will trickle down."

They're Not Just That Into It

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

The Ten Really Cool Facts

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"I don't want any old ones, I want my own back..."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'Even More Disciples'

"Many of us are worrying, Brother Daniel, that you've become too clothes conscious."

The Assumption of Mary

"He wants us to start calling him 'Head Honcho'."

"This 'laying up treasures in heaven' thing - Is it some kind of tax dodge or what?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I'll take new members any way I can get them."

"Hey! These are still good!!"

"Whew! What a day! I just get out of bed and all Hell breaks loose."

'Secondhand smoke.'

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."