Therapy Session Comic Lover Gifts

Al, those look like crocodile tears to me. I'll have you know that crocodiles have feelings too, Dr. Kapuchnik.

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

'...and when the wolves moved house I was adopted by beetles.'

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"Teach me not to care."

'Look at you. You're a basket case.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

Let's try some word disassociation

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Can I take your disorder?

Sardine psychologist.

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"