Theology Reader Gifts

"Why Bad things happen to good people"

'But everybody does that stuff!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Moses separating his Laundry.

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"If I'd known we'd be this long wandering the wilderness I would never have worn these heels."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

Priest

'Hello Colin, I'm Arthur, any idea what all the fuss is about?'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"I have an app for that."

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Thomas Cranmer

'Please take your receipt!'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'Do you ever wonder if we'll evolve into creationists?'

"God's sent us some chocolates."

Noah posted his first tweet.

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'Well if you don't want the apple, can I tempt you with this?'