Theft Satire Pillows

Early Ram Raids

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Book Thief in True Crime Department

WANTED The Strad Cad

"Identity theft hotline? Yes, it's Dracula again. Millions of people are still stealing my identity on Halloween."

"I want to report a race crime.'

'I'm here due to an identity theft.'

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

Crime section.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Mafia machine gun case.

An identity thief takes the stand.

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

"Sorry we're late, Your Honor. My watch seems to be missing."

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

Crooks

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'The house has been repossessed by the Devil ...'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

"Just pick out the one who ate your husband."

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

Bernie Madoff finally behind bars: Hey boys! Anyone interested in sound financial advice?

Dear Sir, You have been charged £35 for under-use of your bank account. . .

"Try to be patient, sir. Give your stick-up text a few seconds to upload."

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

"Of course we have evidence. The whole thing was captured on video."

Stupid T-Shirt

'May I see some photo ID?'