The Overly Cautious Pillows

"But I don't know any Nickys! And I don't open the door for strangers."

No Immediate Danger

Mom, I think you're carrying us too much.

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

'Which end's the shallow end?'

"Don't worry, I've performed this procedure hundreds of times."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

Humpty Dumpty Gets in a Taxi.

'Darn it Mother! I'm not MISSING! I'm just working DOUBLES this month!'

'It's just a routine operation, Mr. Bush. No need to have your lawyer present.'

"Be the ball. Be the pins. Be the lane. Be the shoes."

Books called: "Will Never Be Finished", "Ain't Gonna Happen", "Nope" etc.

'The cows are home, the chickens at roost, your horse is in the barn, and I expect you home by 10 PM,'

'Even with the impact of global warming I think Timmy would be safe enough with factor 95'

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

"Happy New Year"

"C'mon. She's clearly just a rebound girl."

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

"I told you so."

Two hour parking if you see the glass as half full, all others will be ticketed.

"Crime is so bad around here, that I always immobilise my car."

'Dinner's been over for three hours, but Mom keeps jumping back in the frying pan.'

The future: watch your step

"There, did you see? She did it again!"

'Someone has made a mountain out of our molehill.'

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"

"This accountancy firm doesn't actually hold Parents' Evenings, but rest assured, your little Timmy is doing just fine."

"My motto in life has always been: 'Never commit to something you might possibly regret at some vague, unspecified later date, given 20/20 hindsight!'"

Finally Fritz had solved the problem. No terrorist would ever kill him.

Support group for the accident-prone: Watch Your Step