The Humorously Supernatural Pillows

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Doglike man to vampire: 'Call me an apprentice werewolf, or even a beginner werewolf, but don't call me an under werewolf!'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Praying mantis.

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

Shoe repair

'Listen up, you ghoul fools, at midnight the mummy takes off the wrappings! Heh heh - just kidding folks, but seriously...'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'

Vampire Family Photos...

Vampire Couple, "I suppose you're out again for your usual eight pints?"

Eye of Newt Helper

'He says its a subprime fruit we can have at an adjustable rate, what's the worst that could happen?'

'I guess it's true what they say: spirits just don't mix'

"Boy, I get booed everytime I perform here."

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

'You need to start using a fabric softener.'

'Stick on Souls'

Healthy Witch Digest

"Is that permanent?"

"Oh, did baby get a boo-boo?"

Advertising meets cryptozoology...

"Just as I expected, Mrs Frimley. You've got vampires."

Beheaded ghost says to spook: 'It's just a trial separation.'

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

"Does that mean trick or treaters too?"

"I didn't really plan for this, so I'll need you to return my posthumous donation."

"Wait a second- is that organic?"

'Grab the wand! Grab the wand!'

"If you don't give me any candy, I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life!"

'So where are you going?'