The Hesitant Scribe Gifts

"Well they say everyone has a book in them."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

'I failed history again. I guess those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Monks sitting at a row of computers typing up old-fashioned looking manuscripts.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

Emergency Firebreaker

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

Dame Edna Sitwell

500 pages and one masterpiece later, Stephan makes a horrifying discovery.

Monks form copier service.

"I don't usually tell people I'm a writer because I've never actually written anything."

"He calls it the eBible."

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

The three laws pf pen-o-dynamics

Pencil Rubber

Fortune Teller.

Which useless activity are you doing on your electronic pacifier right now? My what? Your electronic pacifier. Your soother. Your binky. My iPhone is not a "binky". It's an indispensable tool, essential to keeping the busy, modern life running like a well-oiled machine. You can't stand to experience a single moment devoid of activity. Solitude makes you agitated, lonely, bored or insecure. Anytime you feel bad, you reach for your phone. It's your binky. My Twitter followers agree with me that yo

Writing a letter

'I've gotten quite a bit out of that creative writing class. I think I'll become a literary agent.'

"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."

Meet the non-author! Noted scholar who never gave a hoot to write a book!

"I really don't like poetry."

Ink floating in a paper boat

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

The Grave of the Manuscript