Scrumptious Scribe Gifts

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

Computer literate Monk

'It's the new directive from Brussels. We're to steal from everybody and give directly to the banks.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

"His prose, however, is very elegant."

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

The final reward for a writer... 'R.I.P. At last a deadline I can live with!'

'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'

Monk writing the scriptures on a roll

"I don't usually tell people I'm a writer because I've never actually written anything."

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

Writers strike.

Pencil Rubber

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

Monk on PC.

Writing a letter

Fortune Teller.

"I imagine the men who wrote the Bible giggled every time they wrote 'I am the lord'."

"I didn't know Don Quixote was a republican."

Hollywood Writers Strike

"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."

'I've gotten quite a bit out of that creative writing class. I think I'll become a literary agent.'