Scrumptious Scribe T-Shirts

My old recipes have so many food stains they're practically scratch and sniff.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

"It's publish or perish, and he hasn't published."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I'm not a food critic I'm a literary critic and I've found the prose on your menu to be second-rate."

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

"Tests! That's one thing I don't like about the end of school. I can't believe it! You're not finished studying, either?"

Computer literate Monk

Dame Edna Sitwell

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

'It's the new directive from Brussels. We're to steal from everybody and give directly to the banks.'

Poking gentle fun at the company in the blog wasn't meant to include saying that the chief exec had a face like a baboons bottom.

"Bible studies class? We're still writing it."

"Listen, you'll take another break after Deuteronomy and I'll make you some chicken noodle soup."

"His prose, however, is very elegant."

"I agree, Glenn. The first sentence needs to hook the reader."

'Hold the front page, Brother Cuthbert!'

The final reward for a writer... 'R.I.P. At last a deadline I can live with!'

"Well they say everyone has a book in them."

Writers strike.

Pencil Rubber

"First, let me begin by admitting that the unexpected and rather brazen theft of our teleprompter has left me somewhat speechless."

Monk writing the scriptures on a roll

"I don't usually tell people I'm a writer because I've never actually written anything."

Affordable homes coming soon - 'If they build these then our house will become affordable...!'

Monk on PC.

Fortune Teller.

Writing a letter

Dear diary, I have to make this quick. I think my blog is onto us.

"I imagine the men who wrote the Bible giggled every time they wrote 'I am the lord'."

"I didn't know Don Quixote was a republican."

Hollywood Writers Strike

'I've gotten quite a bit out of that creative writing class. I think I'll become a literary agent.'

"The most useful course I've ever done was the "Creative Writing" course I did as a kid: It's been invaluable in writing Grant Applications..."