The Comedian-in-training Gifts

"That's your 15th helium balloon, Derek. Have you thought of something funny to say with the high voice yet?"

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Three more years of high school."

“...And on the ninth day God created mosquitoes, just to annoy the hell out of everyone.”

Rap music

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Toy plane with pilot eject.

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

A private jet takes off

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

'When you said you had an investment in gold, you didn't mention it was in your teeth!'

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

Exit Next Left

'Well, if nothing else, Brad, your wine selection does prove you have a sense of humor.'

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

'Shall we bother with the sweet, chubby-chops?'

"Over millions of years, carbon turns to diamond. Yet it took dad plus his grill mere minutes to turn last night's marinated chicken into that carbon."

'That's funny, everybody else is going downstream.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

Clubbing

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

Midwest Winter Items.

'What did I SAY to DAVE?' - A person with hangover worrying about the night before.

Ostrich's head buried into a pile of sand containing a woman

Mo's Meet The Predators Safari Tours.