Pet Training Humorist Gifts

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'He's still rushing his backswing. ... Swat him on the nose with the rolled-up newspaper...'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Obedience School/Disobedience School.

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

Cats at private view

Dogs life

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Now turn your head and bark."

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

Conversation between Dogs.

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

Clown walks balloon dog