Pet Training Humorist Pillows

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

'He's still rushing his backswing. ... Swat him on the nose with the rolled-up newspaper...'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Dog looks perplexed as man has his head out the window taking in the beer smells.

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

'I'll be glad when winter is over and he can start buryi8ng bones again.'

Fish with a human in a bowl.

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"If he tries to dip, Mrs. Callister, you mustn't hesitate to use the choke chain."

Dogs life

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

Cats at private view

"We're going to the Vet aren't we."

'Out, damned Spot.'

Cats are under tremendous peer pressure to remain useless.

'You're supposed to just lick the cone!'

Shaggy dog/Shaggy Owner.

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

"Pssst. Fake poop."

"Now turn your head and bark."

"I'm not his best friend. But he is in my extended network."

Conversation between Dogs.

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

"His name's Bond. Mittens Bond."

Mouse on an Exercise Bike

Flowers? My girl prefers a dead mouse!