Tenure Evaluation Gifts

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

"Let me put it this way: I'm hitting 'Unlike' and 'Unhire.'"

'This part was tenure.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"I'm getting tired of telling you you can't have a raise!"

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

'You get paid for what you produce at work not what you produce at home.'

'I can show you in our panic room while you're waiting to see the boss.'

"You've screwed up, messed up and played up. I didn't realise you were so multi-skilled."

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

'Treat me easy this morning.'

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'Your performance review is in...and it's not good.'

'You say here you're a people person.'

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

'University tenure, now there's a sweet gig.'

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

"To succeed in my class is easy. Keep quiet, pay attention, and let me concentrate on getting tenure."

'I'm not a great fan of tenure, but in my case, my doctor prescribed it, so what could I do?'