Getting Tenure Gifts

'University tenure, now there's a sweet gig.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'This part was tenure.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"You can't cut my head off! -- I have tenure!"

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'

(Long complicated equation) = TENURE.

Robot University. I hear your fire-resistant now. Yeah, I was just voted tenure!

'I'm not a great fan of tenure, but in my case, my doctor prescribed it, so what could I do?'

"To succeed in my class is easy. Keep quiet, pay attention, and let me concentrate on getting tenure."

"You don't have to worry about ending up here. I have tenure."

"The 'Maurice Q. Dinkelfrost Professor of Economics' really is an endowed chair even though we made up the name just to amuse ourselves."

Melting marshmallows.