Seeking Tenure Gifts

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

'This part was tenure.'

'You are smarter, faster and more efficient than Carter... they's why I'm making you the new assistant to Carter!'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

Work avalanche

'That's our corporate ladder.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Okay, people... The name of the game is Musical Cubicles! The winner gets to be the new district manager! Ready... set... GO!!'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

"Do you know why you never made VP? Indecisiveness. You're still indecisive!"

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

'I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job.'

'All work and no play may make you dull, but it also makes you Vice President.'

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

'This isn't going to help your promotion chances, Smythe...'

'I get it, Smith. No raise means you'll go over to our competitor.'

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'He is expecting you about your raise request. He will see you in a few minutes...'

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

"Before I was Socrates, I was Socrates the adjunct professor struggling to get tenure."

You're in the Engineering Quad, Just Back Away Slowly and Find the Humanities Quad.

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

'Are you kidding? You're too valuable on our assembly line to move you up to supervisor!'

"You can't cut my head off! -- I have tenure!"

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

Part-time, Associate, Tenured.

'University tenure, now there's a sweet gig.'

'I'm just calculating the probability of my getting tenure in this university.'