Tenure Achievement Gifts

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

(Long complicated equation) = TENURE.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'This part was tenure.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

"At least our son is marrying a doctor!"

'I hear she melts glass ceilings.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

Eighth Wonder Of The Financial WorldMt. Acct.

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

"My name is Jose Hernandez, and my story begins when my parents moved from Mexico to the United States to work the fields. I would find my own special calling."

Isaac Newton and the Apple Tree

"I built this business from the ground up."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

Impressive fund manager.

"I want both of you to go to college and get good jobs. I want you to have all the things I never had! That way, I'll be very comfortable when I move in with you."

'Seize another day - this one is mine.'

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'I think you should know, I put a piece on 'YourTube' praising your stewardship.'

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

"Your mother's going to be up there all day, kids. One of her students said her class meant everything to her!"

Clara had come a long way from those readings at the public library.