Tenure Achievement Gifts

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

"The good news is we've used up all our bad ideas."

'This part was tenure.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'We can't get rid of her - she has tenure.'

"At least our son is marrying a doctor!"

'I hear she melts glass ceilings.'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

Eighth Wonder Of The Financial WorldMt. Acct.

Isaac Newton and the Apple Tree

"Once you've jumped over the moon, standing around in a field all day just doesn't cut it."

"I built this business from the ground up."

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

We like to show the endowment to newly tenured professors.

Impressive fund manager.

"Be careful, dear. People tend to lose control when faced with the newfound freedom of their first year of tenure."

'Seize another day - this one is mine.'

"I want both of you to go to college and get good jobs. I want you to have all the things I never had! That way, I'll be very comfortable when I move in with you."

'Since you were late to work so often, we should have given the watch when you started 43 years ago.'

'I brought in a big order and my boss gave me a feather for my cap.'

'Niche apres tenure. Niche before and you're toast.'

'...... in sickness and in health, through the long lean years before tenure or perhaps no tenure, for better of for worse ......'

'I think you should know, I put a piece on 'YourTube' praising your stewardship.'

"Your mother's going to be up there all day, kids. One of her students said her class meant everything to her!"

'Miss Stevens, I'm not to be disturbed. I'm indulging in a period of self-congratulation.'

Clara had come a long way from those readings at the public library.

'...Not bad for someone who started out in hell's kitchen!'

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?