Temporal Warrior Gifts

Two couples fighting against the sands of time

"We're following Carrot Top."

Second lifeReal life.

Deadlines

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

"What does the time traveler do when he's hungry? Go back four seconds."

Futile Little Snow Shoveler Guy Snow Globe

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

"Still on your left."

"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid."

"...and how often do you feel monkas?"

"Damn speed hump!"

"We already changed our phone service to something or other last week, so we don't need whatever it is you have."

"I have a right to disagree! You can't force me to use logic."

Academy.

"Why have you brought me here?"

Psychotic mood swing.

Man in a tank with several grannies painted on the side

'I have decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of the bedroom.'

"This is my life lately. . . always running and getting nowhere!"

After comments from fans that they are overweight, Close to Home characters begin a fitness program.

Man with butt full of porcupine quills posting sign to warn others.

'And just FYI, I was a caterpillar when you first put me on hold!'

'Down to 43 hit points? ?have you been fighting again?'

Posh Gym - Run out of money machine.

'If he's forgotten my birthday again, he can cook his own supper!'

Time Management Seminar Schedule.

Protecting Historic Landmarks

Martial art painting.

Women more likely to be misogynistic on twitter. . .

"Oh, great. Now I'll be late for work."

'It's going to be all right, sir. Just slow down and tell me how long you've been lost.'

I'm making extra money offering services on that freelance jobs site exploitrr.com. What're you offering, little buddy? Book promotion? Logo design? Backup services. For just $5 per thread, I'll back you up in all your online arguments. I suspect you're going to make a killing. I'll post things like you sure told him! And you're brilliant, total stranger!

'If you wish to complain please press 2 and then select the Death Metal band that you'd like to listen to while you are on hold.'