Temperance Warrior Gifts

The Bottle - Father Imprisoned and Mad, Daughter and Son Involved in Vice

'Your inferiority complex is better than mine.'

Freedom of the press

"I'm putting you on entry level anxiety meds."

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"He's gonna be bad for business."

'It's about time you got jets installed!'

Human Rights

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Luckily the days are long gone when we just labeled people as "mad"'

"Why have you brought me here?"

"Sealed for your diets protection."

Cartoonist Pencil

"The best thing about my promotion? I'll be in charge of the thermostat."

The Drunkard's Children - Son and Daughter on Trial in Old Bailey

"It's a darkly comic indictment of my inability to write."

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

Thanks to a generous grant from the oil companies, scientists discover the real reason glaciers are melting.

Wal Max - Complaints Department

'I have decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of the bedroom.'

Come with me. Things are tough around here and somebody may want to eat you.

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

Soldier with large pencil instead of gun.

'Ohhh,a test of willpower eh?? YOU'RE ON!!'

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

"If she was abused, why didn’t she report it?"

'My boss said they might be laying off more people next week...what wine goes best with panic?'

"...Under pressure?..gain instant relief with Doctor Bengts information overload adjuster...."

"How's the diet going?"

'It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your willpower is?'

'I don't have a shortage of willpower. I have an excess of fairness.'