Temperance Enthusiast Gifts

Drunk man thrown out of bar

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'Melvin, you're trying my patience.'

Snail crossing

"When I get older, I want to be just like you, Dad."

'Why do I always pick the slow moving queue?'

The Height of Impudence.

Civil war, "You shoot first old boy. No, no I won't hear of it"

"I have a high tolerance for tedium."

Fishing Arizona- waiting for a flash flood

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

Restaurant. Special: Fricken Chicassee. The chef shouldn't write the special when he's angry.

She went as far as she could to get away from the paperwork.

I'm BAD deal with it

Angel kicked out of heaven, sent to Hell, on basis of 'creative differences.'

"Oh—pardon the expletive—damn!"

Color is not a crime

The speediness of today's world and its logical conclusion.

'I admire how you don't take no for an answer, but I'm afraid I'm calling security.'

Race to the top

Short as he was, Dave was confident his endurance would see him through this round.

'The landlord's here, and he looks hungry!'

Darn it, why do I always pick the slowest line? Hell.

'Get your hands out of your pocket!'

Cans of peas.

'I wish they'd leave us out of their sordid affairs!'

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'LET ME THROUGH! I'M A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST!'

Teetotaller outside public house

The Bottle - Father Imprisoned and Mad, Daughter and Son Involved in Vice