Temperance Supporter Gifts

Teetotaler introducing his son to the schoolmaster

'Have you been 'helping the environment by supporting local produce' again?'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

It had been a while, but he had finally come home.

"Look, I know the other team is taller than we are...but I'm pretty sure this isn't allowed."

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

Football tournament fever during office hours.

'Uruguayan? - No, he's from Scotland.'

"It's very important to wash your hooves!"

So you're wearing a bag over your head because you're ashamed of your team?' 'It's a cloaking device.'

'That, and my head is shaped like one.'

"Hey -- if you ever want to talk about this no hitter, I'm here."

'What's the name of our new mascot again?' 'Mopey.'

Parson wishing to seem as though he is not drinking

'Well, here it is, but I don't see any pot.'

"Well, I admire your resilience."

'He is our darts team captain,he always finishes on a double.'

The Drunkard's Children - Son and Daughter on Trial in Old Bailey

"She's a little overworked but, depending on what happens next Sunday, I'll probably jump back on."

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

Russel could always spot his mother in the crowd.

'Gee, Doctor Dresher, you have a wonderful way with horses....

"You're still in here? Go home. We lost."

'It's not good, coach. He'll be in therapy for the rest of the season.'

Go Team!

Football Drinks

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

Small store loses out to glossy big store

The home crowd liked to honor the team whenever they scored a point.

"If we walk him, it will just add to our reputation for passivity and downright indolence."