Temper Chuckler Gifts

'Call me 'spot' one more time and I'll tear your frickin' throat out!'

'Fancy a swift half?'

Way too much anthropomorphising

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

Keyboard in Heaven

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Sore Loser

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'I agree-Gary Lineker can get up your nose sometimes,but...'

'Hey buddy, what happened to your hair?'

"Now we mustn't lose our temper Wendy, perhaps we'll be good enough for the gymkhana next year."

'I say we rendition the snow to Guantanamo!'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

'They've been hitting the blocking sled three times as hard since I put up that bust of that nut-job business teacher, Mrs. Sisk.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'He's getting seasick again! This is the last time Joey gets to go boating.'

'Pool closed 3pm to 6pm. That's when we wash our sheets.'

"But before we continue let's pause for a few moments of madcap wit and zany one-liners."

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

"So much chum, so little time."

"Is it true, cows have four stomachs?"

Adult Movie Studios: Position Vacant

What's so funny about Pampas grass?