Chimp Chuckler Gifts

Way too much anthropomorphising

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"The cookies are always stale."

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

Keyboard in Heaven

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

'What about change? Do you have any change in your pockets?'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Gosh, Jane, you're even prettier than that cute little chimpanzee I was out with last week!'

"I keep getting into a flap."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

Yoga - moooooooo.

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Call me 'spot' one more time and I'll tear your frickin' throat out!'

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

What your acoustic guitar says about you

Merry Christmas

"I had to get a real dog. I was allergic to my Chia Pet."

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'What do you mean, stuff the chicken? It wasn't empty.'