Chimp Chuckler Pillows

Way too much anthropomorphising

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"The cookies are always stale."

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

Keyboard in Heaven

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"I bit someone once. It tasted like chicken."

'Gosh, Jane, you're even prettier than that cute little chimpanzee I was out with last week!'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

"I keep getting into a flap."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"Sorry for the confusion, but it's Poetry Night, not Poultry Night."

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'I'd like to leave a wake-up call.'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

Merry Christmas

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'Call me 'spot' one more time and I'll tear your frickin' throat out!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'What do you mean, stuff the chicken? It wasn't empty.'

"I had to get a real dog. I was allergic to my Chia Pet."

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'