Chum Chuckler Pillows

"So much chum, so little time."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

"Looks like you forgot to pack your lunch again Bob!"

Way too much anthropomorphising

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Keyboard in Heaven

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

'Does the suicide clause apply if he eats himself to death?'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"...nineteen, twenty. Ready or not, here I come!"

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

"He thinks you're playing fetch."

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

What your acoustic guitar says about you

Merry Christmas

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'This coupon has expired, sir, and so have you.'

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'

'I gave at the office.'

"I think he wants you to listen for awhile."