Coach Chuckler Pillows

'Fancy a swift half?'

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

Keyboard in Heaven

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Well, Phil, now do you know what recoil means?'

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

Art Is A Snap When You Know How To Spell

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'You realize, of course, there are no easy answers.'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

Dibs!

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

Waiting In Doctor's Office

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'I gave at the office.'

"So much chum, so little time."