Interviewer Chuckler Pillows

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"The cookies are always stale."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

'I worked briefly in a Fine-China shop, but it didn't work out...'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

"Gwen, call the employment agency back, please, we just created our first 3-D employee!"

'Time's up, chuckles.'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

'You didn't chew, did you ?!'

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'You realize, of course, there are no easy answers.'

An idle lap is the devil's workbench.

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

'I call my car 'Bonnie Tyler'. . . Nah - it keeps making funny rasping noises and is getting on a bit.'

Adult Movie Studios: Position Vacant

What's so funny about Pampas grass?