Satirical Chuckler Pillows

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"The subwoofers really help."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Jesus Christ

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Good news - we've found your car.

"So the year '2020' can also be written. . ."

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"When the boss said he could replace me with a trained monkey, I replied, prove it! Me and my big mouth."

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

'Bless you!'

You didn't tell me it was iTheatre...

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'If you insist on laughing please use the humour section.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'