Irreverent Chuckler Pillows

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Jesus Christ

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

'Bless you!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"I just talked to Grunzman on the phone when he called in sick...I fear he really has got something very, very highly contagious!"