Irreverent Chuckler Pillows

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Jesus Christ

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Bless you!'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

"I keep getting into a flap."

Yoga - moooooooo.

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'