Colloquial Chuckler Pillows

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"The subwoofers really help."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Jesus Christ

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!

"Actually, I got my nickname because I live in a loft."

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

"Some say the world will end in noodles, some say in rice."

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'