Community Chuckler Pillows

'Look over there. That's the crazy balloon animal lady!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

"The subwoofers really help."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Keyboard in Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

Jesus Seals the Hick...

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

Missing Parsons.

"Seats in all parts!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"It's weeder's elbow."

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.