Charity Chuckler Pillows

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'I gave at the office.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"A reading from the ax of the apostles."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"...lettuce pray."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

Missing Parsons.

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.

"It's weeder's elbow."

"Seats in all parts!"

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

Error 404: the saviour you're looking for has been removed.

Church: Built by Guilt.

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."