Charity Chuckler Pillows

"Damn it—I think I just butt-donated to a charity."

'I gave at the office.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"...lettuce pray."

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

"Pff! That orang utan's obviously a crisis actor!"

'I'm sorry, this is the line for people who volunteered to help their community. You're looking for the eternal damnation department.'

"That was a good sermon...but I'd have settled for a soundbite."

"Seats in all parts!"

Missing Parsons.

"It's weeder's elbow."

'Today's sermon is on the Gospel according to old Saint Matt....'

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

Error 404: the saviour you're looking for has been removed.

Church: Built by Guilt.

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

Ecclesiastical Eye Test

"Say Jeeeeeez!"

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'