Mischievous Chuckler Pillows

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Recombinant DNA Lab. I'm crossing a pine tree, pumpkin and bunny --- You can use it for three holidays!

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Jesus Christ

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

Pants Uglifier!

The Big Four debate banking ethics

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

Children playing in a library

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

"When I run away, put my picture on t-shirts instead of milk cartons."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

"I had a very trying day. I tried annoying my teacher, I tried annoying the principal..."

"What have you done with her this time?"

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'Luck I forgot my deodorant this morning.'