Mischievous Chuckler Pillows

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Jesus Christ

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

Children playing in a library

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Surely you're not going to believe everything you see!'

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

"When I run away, put my picture on t-shirts instead of milk cartons."

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

'Luck I forgot my deodorant this morning.'

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

'Believe me -- you don't want to know what I did on my summer vacation.'