Mischievous Humorist Pillows

'We bought it as a bonsai tree!'

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

Recombinant DNA Lab. I'm crossing a pine tree, pumpkin and bunny --- You can use it for three holidays!

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"Come on dear. It's getting late, and you have to be up early to collect your pension."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

'Someone come and mediate our argument about mediation!'

Pants Uglifier!

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

Misery lit...

'Nice of them to invite us to a dance.'

'Looks like a chipmonk.'

Killing Santa

Children playing in a library

Law Books

Gracie hatches a plan to trap Santa.

'We've found it Chandler- The forbidden temple!'

'It's finished, my masterpiece - wait...'

'Cut it out!'

"Check this out! My ew app imitates the sound of the door bell and makes the dog go berserk."

'Good morning, Vicar - are you decent?'

"When I run away, put my picture on t-shirts instead of milk cartons."

I shall not insult my stupid, fat, idiotic, ugly, lousy teacher...

"Alternatively we could make them all sexy."

"He really likes to play with the mice before he kills them"

'How many times have I told you not to play with matches?'

What's wrong with the TV? IT keeps changing to the cartoons! (son sitting behind mom with the remote control).

"If you want soil moved around, I say why wait for erosion."

"What have you done with her this time?"

"Upcycled, re-purposed and resin dipped - that's how gran would have wanted to go."