Checkpoint Chuckler Pillows

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

tax

Keyboard in Heaven

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

"It's weeder's elbow."

Border Guard

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

'I'll admit it, Hank, that's the worst backlash I have ever seen.'

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

'Unexpected item in bagging area!'

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

What your acoustic guitar says about you

"Sad, isn't it? And he won't admit he has a problem."

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'Pool closed 3pm to 6pm. That's when we wash our sheets.'

Waiting In Doctor's Office

Father Parrot: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

"Blimey, who'd have thought that at this level of play a contestant would stoop to an illegal false belly."

Overdone bird jokes

"Are you sure you've got sufficient funds in your account to cover this cheque?"

"You're five items short. You'll have to use the express lane. This checkout is 16 items or more only."

'You look different somehow today - Did you incorporate yourself or something?'

'If life begins at forty, why do they let us leave school twenty four years early?'