Chimp Chatter Pillows

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Do you think the birds like me?"

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

"Remember son, evolution peaks with us - chimps were in space before man!"

'Catch a pair of chimps and do a complete makeover on them.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

"Deal! I'll introduce you to Dian Fossey and you'll introduce me to Jane Goodall!"

Monkey casino study.

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

A doctor without borders meets a free range chicken.

He's a terrible climber, but he's pretty good with tools.

'Honey, can you believe we share 99% of our DNA with chimps!?'

Sport Darwinism

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

Online Dating

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"It's where I grew up, Diane. A sleepy little town where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and blogs about it 24/7!"

"No-one's noticed the difference yet. . !"

'That's it Ma'am: Your VCR is set and programmed... You don't need to be an Alpha Male to work it out...'

Celebrating the Chinese New Year of the Monkey

'I'm going to Internets Anonymous...we meet in a Yahoo chatroom!'

"You turned all night long!"

"I realise you're used to talking to me on the chat line, but would you mind not moving your fingers like you're typing everytime you say something."

Well, of course, the eggs are fresh this morning.

"I'm offended by everything these days..."

"Remember? Pretend I'm not here!"

"Oh boy, I ate too much! I need to find a few pebbles to ingest..."