Chirpy Chatter Pillows

'Your tweets have quite a following.'

'One more for me an Tiffany, and one more for you and the road.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Dog FM. (Man blowing dog whistle into radio microphone).

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

"At least their bull sessions are green. Everything they say is 100% biodegradable."

The Nanuit Have 2,027 Words For Snow, But, After Awhile, They Just Talk About Something Else...

'I recorded this earlier today. . . they're his first intelligent words!'

"I could have been a big celebrity but for my fear of public speaking."

"If I go to the party alone, will I be able to leave when I want? But then, there's always the possibility that I will get stuck talking to someone. I can't shake the problem is me. What if no one else likes me? I'm the only one being critical... The issue is I'm not enough and it's really so huge." "The over thinker"

"Well I got a dog because I wanted to spend more time brushing hair off my clothes, and picking up poop."

"You're not fooling me. I can spot 'fake mews'."

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

Hot Line

"You know that on-line romance you've been carryin' on? Well this here's Samantha!"

A Stray Curmudgeon in a Field of Perennial Optimists.

"You are sooooo 'grazed!'"

'Sorry, what was that?'

'...the next train arriving at platform one is the 10.45 fast service to orgasm central!'

"BOL means Barking Out Loud."

"Let's not spoil it by keeping score."

"We had him neutered,"

'I tell you what: Mistress' lap was so much more comfortable before she started her diet...'

Online Dating

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

'The bar's famous for its high spirits.'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

'I accidentally sent this week's data charts to the 3-D printer.'

'I really don't miss the water cooler.'

Phone Dating: Man imagines a gorgeous girl while woman thinks of a handsome man.

"Who called who never calls" "What's in the freezer? It's half a loaf of rye bread" "Fun quiz! When are you getting married? Page 12." "Top ten pieces of furniture to wrap in plastic"

"After so many years of marriage what are you getting for your anniversary?"