Television Quizzes Gifts

'Dunno again <sob!> Can't we play D'plonk?'

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"If Shakespeare were alive today, he would be driving this make of Sports Utility Vehicle."

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Vannamania

This is a classic TV show called "Father Knows Best." Before Google obviously.

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

It's academic

'Then in the next round, I said to Carol, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant...'

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

And that's why I'm still single!

Universe Challenge

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

"No conifering, please."

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

"Shouldn't have bought a touch-screen TV."

"Angry or Hangry?

Big Quiz. -900. +4800. +7230. Ernie, can you believe he calls himself a "smart appliance"?

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

TV Zoo Trivia

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

Ian Hislop.

'Thank you for calling. We value your call...at 95 pence per mintute.'