Television Quizzes Pillows

'Dunno again <sob!> Can't we play D'plonk?'

"My answers could be right. Your quiz just asked the wrong questions."

"Now our contestant will try to guess which of you is the very last individual of your species."

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"Our next contestant is Mildred and her specialist subject is "Other People's Business""

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

'This has been a Chris Wallace special report -- we now switch you back to Mike Wallace....'

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

Alternative Game Shows: Shooting Stars

'Bill remembers where he was everybody died.'

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

It's academic

And that's why I'm still single!

Universe Challenge

"I'll have a vole, please Carol"

"No conifering, please."

'How can I enjoy 'Jeopardy' when she keeps blurting out the answers?'

'And your specialist subject is the Invisible Man films?'

"I'm sorry, 'Because I said so' is not an acceptable answer."

"Angry or Hangry?

"Shouldn't have bought a touch-screen TV."

'On tonight's news: Katie Couric interviews Katie Couric.'

"errrm..I think I'll phone a friend."

'Thank you for calling. We value your call...at 95 pence per mintute.'

'You won't go away empty-handed. We have some lovely parting gifts, including the fun, home version!'