Television Gourmet Gifts

Loyd Grossman

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

Cookbooks

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"