Televangelist Gifts

'Notice they never speak in tongues when they're asking for money.'

'This will be our last little transaction, sir — I start work tomorrow as a televangelist.'

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

"Are these microphones, O Lord, on?"

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!"

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."

'A true televangelistic miracle'

"Time is running out, my friend" "You said it my friend"

Religious marketing, televangelist jumping out of hte TV

'The eternal debate'

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Ladies, gentlemen, come in and take a seat. I've decided to take this corporation in an entirely new direction."

The Ordered List

Computerized society.

THE ST. FRANCIS OF ASSISI SHOW.

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

"Well, can we leave some of our literature with you?"

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

'Talking about Jesus is NOT name-dropping!'

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

"It was a gift from god."

A preacher of open-source software.

"Since he retired, he fills his days complaining about 'woke' television."

"Have you ever thought about becoming a duck?"

"Remember now, this is for your Birthday AND for Christmas!"

'It gives me more energy than five grande espressos.'

"I'm sorry Gary, but my twelve apostles are enough. We don't also need a mascot."

"Could we talk Girl Scout cookies?"

Motorcycle Faith Healer

"For trick or treating, I'm dressing up as Billy Graham and going witnessing door-to-door."