Modern Evangelist Gifts

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

The ten ammendments

"I have an app for that."

The Ordered List

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Computerized society.

Guitars in Heaven

'Let there be cool.'

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

"Well, can we leave some of our literature with you?"

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

"It was a gift from god."

Will work for manure.

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"Before I share the meaning of life with Dave, let's take some calls from our viewers around the world."

A preacher of open-source software.

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Have you ever thought about becoming a duck?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

"J is the reason for the season."

Progressions.

"Could we talk Girl Scout cookies?"

Motorcycle Faith Healer

New Seekers, New Danger, "I'd like to teach the world to sing..."

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

"I expected the mission field to be a little more modern."

'New Charismatic'

"I don't get it. I've prayed to God to get rich just like the televangelist told me. but nothing happened."