Modern Evangelist Pillows

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

The ten ammendments

"I have an app for that."

The Ordered List

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

Computerized society.

'Let there be cool.'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'Now that's what I call a religious broadcast.'

"Repent! The Venga bus is coming!"

"Well, can we leave some of our literature with you?"

"Hear me, for the Lord has given me an exclusive."

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

"It was a gift from god."

Will work for manure.

"You may need to pep up your sermons, sir. Some of the members are requesting WIFI in the pews."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

A preacher of open-source software.

"Have you ever thought about becoming a duck?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Progressions.

"Lord, if my prayers are pleasing to Thee, please confirm by fax."

"Could we talk Girl Scout cookies?"

Motorcycle Faith Healer

New Seekers, New Danger, "I'd like to teach the world to sing..."

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

"REPENT! REPENT! REPENT!"

"I expected the mission field to be a little more modern."

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, I'm here to share a brief Bible message with you about the good news of God's Kingdom."

'New Charismatic'