Telephone Juggler Gifts

Ms Jones - grab the phone, will ya? We're on hold!'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Wealth Juggler.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

The Communicator

"Hello?"

Overworked

"I don't think I can be truly happy unless I have more passwords."

'The numbers aren't working.'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

Man jumping into swimming pool with phone.

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Call centre musicians

Pythagaros. Ancient Greece. Interesting, in ancient Greece they didn't have negative numbers. They sure do now!

'But the only way I can explain our derivatives and stock swaps is through interpretive dance!'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

'Call me back - the old trout's on the other line.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

... and I'd suggest you take more frequent breaks from your computer.

"Yes dear, I know excessive mobile use is dangerous, that's not why I'm calling."

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

'Take a message...'

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"

"And make it quick. I need those numbers yesterday – before last night's lottery draw."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

'It's for you.'

Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. We received a communication fro Alpha Centauri, but it appears they just pocket dialed us.

'Will this job requirer me to look up from my phone?'

When fuzzy math's happens to sharp accountants

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.