Cell Phone Juggler Gifts

Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. We received a communication fro Alpha Centauri, but it appears they just pocket dialed us.

'Take a message...'

"Here are the new sales figures, which way up would you like them?"

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

"Hi, you've reached Susan's desk. I am monotasking right now, so I'll call you back it's the phone's turn again. Beep!"

Wealth Juggler.

"I told him not to rely on his GPS whe out running!"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

The Communicator

"Hello?"

Overworked

'The numbers aren't working.'

"We're sure we've got the right numbers... Now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

"History test? But I studied all night for a math test!"

"I was just ringing to see if you got the e-mail about the letter I sent you?"

Pythagaros. Ancient Greece. Interesting, in ancient Greece they didn't have negative numbers. They sure do now!

'But the only way I can explain our derivatives and stock swaps is through interpretive dance!'

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

'Call me back - the old trout's on the other line.'

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

"Yes dear, I know excessive mobile use is dangerous, that's not why I'm calling."

'Your stock portfolio didn't lose one third of its value, Mr. Reynolds, it retained two thirds.'

'I know my electric bills are way over due, but could you at least wait until the Super Bowl is over before turning off my electricity?'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"And make it quick. I need those numbers yesterday – before last night's lottery draw."

'It's for you.'

"Bad case of 'Swivel Neck' comes from trying to watch too many games at the same time!"

When fuzzy math's happens to sharp accountants

"Elijah didn't hear God's voice in the powerful wind, or in the earthquake, or the fire, but just then a call came in on his cell..."

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

Woman holding two phones together.

Multitasking.

'Let me put you on ignore ... I mean hold.'

"Ho ordered the Cafe au Lait?"